Baby Talk - Baby Steps in High Heels

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Baby Talk

Okay, I don’t speak ‘fetus’, so this might be a rough translation. However, I’m pretty sure my daughter woke up this morning with a very loud message. It goes something like this, “Mom, now that I’m getting bigger, I’m feeling stronger and much more confident. So, I spent last night practicing my gymnastics routine. I’m sorry if my somersaults and back flips continue to cause you debilitating nausea. But, hey, you seem to have mastered living on the bathroom floor, so just hang in there for a couple more months. In addition to my acrobatics, I’ll also be using your internal organs to practice my ultimate fighter moves … Dad should be proud. As you know, I’ve been using your bladder for a little kick-boxing, and that probably won’t change for a while. I also really enjoy putting a choke-hold on your kidneys and suffocating your various other organs … you didn’t really need them anyway, right? On the positive side, you only have to put up with this for another 11 weeks or so. Then I’ll be there in person, providing tons of new reasons for your sleep deprivation and physical discomfort.”

My ‘PC’ response, “Avery, considering that I’ve only gained 10 lbs in this pregnancy, I’m just happy that you’re growing and becoming more active. It is very reassuring and makes me feel like you’re healthy and developing on track, despite my horrible diet.”

The response in my head, “Eleven more weeks?!?! God help me.”


  1. Ultimate fighter moves, hilarious. She is going to keep you busy that's for sure!

    11 more weeks... holy cow! Exciting:)