Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday - Baby Steps in High Heels

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

Shell over at Things I Can’t Say has started Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday.

Here are the Rules:

Write a post from the heart.
Something that has been weighing on you.
Something you feel passionately about.
Something you've been wanting to talk about.
A cause, a memory, a belief, a world view.

Anything.



Pour your heart out, and then link up!

I’m not sure if this counts, but it’s definitely something I’ve been struggling with. I like my job. Actually, I love my job. I work with awesome people and I’m challenged daily. The problem is that traveling is a large component 6-8 months out of the year. With a 4-month-old baby, it’s hard!

It’s hard to think about getting on a plane when my appointment calendar is minimal. It’s hard to think about spending days away from home for clients who can sometimes be really worthless (though certainly not all of them). It’s hard to imagine that Baby will be okay while I’m away, even worse to realize that she probably won’t even notice that I’m gone.

Logically, it all makes sense. My family functions as a two-income family. My employer provides AWESOME and CHEAP health insurance. I am truly providing for my family, and this is important. Unfortunately, logic doesn’t stand much of a fighting chance against the guilt, fear, and anguish that overwhelm me when faced with these responsibilities.

I always knew I would be a working mom. It’s who I am. It’s how I function at my best, and am thus able to best care for Baby. But, it’s hard. Sometimes it just plain sucks.

10 comments:

  1. Visiting through Shells blog. I really like this post. It is so great that you know who you are and what you want. You have a good head on your shoulders and your baby is lucky to have you. :)

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  2. It must be tough, but you sound like you have it all together...even if sometimes it doesn't exactly feel like it. Bravo, Mama! ;)

    PS - Following you too - very cute blog!

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  3. I am so glad I don't have to travel with my job. I don't know how you do it. Time to kick MK into gear and start working from home full-time! This is my goal by July!!!

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  4. I have the opposite guilt sometimes. I wonder if my boys would be better off if I were working about things weren't such a financial struggle. I think we always question what we're doing.

    Thanks for linking up!

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  5. Working outside the home and mothering will always be a struggle ... there is nothing- no words of wisdom I can share- it's hard. But the fact that you recognize it shows you are a good mother ;-)

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  6. I know how you feel... at least about working. And I'm at a desk all day long! I know I would have an even harder time if I was traveling all the time!!

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  7. Isnt it crazy how we put so much on ourselves as moms? We all do it - whether we are working or SAH moms. I like how you recognize that you function at your best as a working woman...and how that in turn benefits your baby...so true!

    www.melonbelly.blogspot.com

    I'M A FOLLOWER NOW! :)

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  8. I always wanted to be a SAHM until I had kids... now I like my time away to regroup. I only work part time and don't have to travel, but as hard as it is to actually get up to go those days... It is great once I get there.
    It is all a balance in what is right for your family!

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  9. I am away a lot from my kids. But like you, I carry the health insurance and it pays so they can do the extra things they love (soccer, 4H, scouts, etc.). My youngest told me the other day that she loved me because I work (she is 6). I asked why is that? She said because you pay for us to have this house and to go on the big boat (we are cruise addicts)! I was glad to see that 6 she realizes why I do what I do, doesn't mean it makes it easier. Hang in there!!

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  10. That is really hard! I love working, and thankfully I don't have to travel a lot. I do get to travel though, and it's really "just the right amount" of travel.

    I hope you can figure things out!

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