Thursday, April 29, 2010
You might think that I should be able to do one of these things. Yes, it’s true that I took 4 years of high school Spanish and 3 years of college Spanish, but my level of fluency basically stops at ordering tacos and beer (ahem, cerveza). Sign Language? I know a few signs, but I’m pretty sure that my infant doesn’t need to learn them.
Tone deaf. Rhythmically challenged. Artistically disinclined. What could I possibly have to offer my child if I kept her at home instead of at day care. Love. And, yes, that’s a great thing, but I’m serious here. Developmentally speaking, school has much more to offer her than I would (not to mention that lacking of health insurance is not the best state of existence for a family with an infant).
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. It’s where I function best. I know all of this in my head. Logically it all makes sense. But I miss my baby. An hour in the morning and an hour in the evening is NOT enough for me! Not enough. Wanna know a secret? I secretly love the fact that she doesn’t sleep through the night, that she still wakes up and wants a bottle. It’s just a few extra minutes I can spend with her. Even if it leaves me exhausted, I love that time. She’s so sweet and cuddly in the middle of the night.
So, why do I have this constant, dull, physical pain in the pit of my stomach every time I realize that my work day has exploded and I won’t be able to pick Baby up early from day care? Why does Husband have to take her every morning instead of me? (okay, that’s not really a hypothetical question. I know the answer to that one … because I would never leave!).
Damn it. And I thought that putting pictures of her on my desk was a good idea. Idiot.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I wanted to give a big thank you to everyone who commented and emailed yesterday. I feel so terrible for Baby. She just got over a stomach bug and now has this cold. Luckily she’s smiling and happy most of the time and only seems unhappy when I’m attempting to put saline drops in her nose or suction it out. [As a side note, what’s up with these saline nasal drops? Really, they roll into her mouth, her ears … one even hit her eye. Every orifice except the one I’m targeting. There’s got to be a better way!]
That said, I didn’t realize how negative my post sounded yesterday. It really wasn’t a bad day. Busy? Of course. Hectic and chaotic. Sure. But not bad. Baby’s poop on my finger? Changing dirty diapers in gross public bathrooms? That’s just another day in the life! And, although these things would have disgusted me at one time, it’s just a way of life now … and I wouldn’t have it any other way! With these little experiences come smiles and giggles and funny stories I just couldn’t imagine not having in my life.
Baby turned 5-months-old yesterday. Time seems to have simultaneously crawled and flown by … I really can’t believe how much she has changed and grown. This really hit home this week in a couple of ways. First, I spent some time framing baby pictures. We had some really cute ones done when Baby was 12-weeks-old. Now, at almost 22-weeks-old, she almost looks like a completely different little girl! I mean, I still the same face, the same look in her eyes, they way her forehead crinkles the same way today as it did when she was first born. But, she’s also a really different baby. Her cheeks are fuller. She weighs almost twice as much as she did when she was born. We’ll be starting her on ‘real’ food (rice cereal) as soon as she kicks this cold. She’s growing up!
This fact really sunk in on Monday night, though. Between the cold and cutting her, Baby has been pretty fussy in the evenings this week. I’ve been trying like crazy to soothe her and comfort her. Monday night I thought I’d break out an old trick, one we learned on the day we brought her home from the hospital (from the hospital photographer of all people!). Sit her butt in one hand and place the other one on her back. Bounce her up and down gently and rub her back with your fingers. Um. I tried that trick. It worked like a charm about 20 weeks ago. This week? Not so much. She was too big! Too big?! Oh, it broke my heart!
It seems so surreal when I think back to about week 3, when I was still in post c-section zombie-mom mode. I thought time was standing still. I couldn’t imagine how we were going to get through the next couple of hours, much less days, weeks or …. months! Months! I posted a while back about how other people used to drive me crazy when they’d warn me about how quickly time flies and how fast kids grow up. But it’s so, so true.
Somewhere in the midst of attempting to nurse, round-the-clock pumping, diaper changing, learning to fit a onsie over a newborn’s head, laundry (and more laundry), middle of the night shenanigans … some time during having entire conversations with only one-syllable words and/or only coos/squeals/etc. … somehow, while these day to day tasks were taking place, 5 entire months of Baby’s life have gone by. Somehow, in the midst of all of this, Baby has learned not only to focus her eyes but to smile and have entire conversations with them. She’s learned to play peek-a-boo. She cut her first tooth and is working on a second. She learned to roll from her tummy to her back, from her back to her tummy, and to scoot in almost a full circle while doing these things. She gave Husband a hug for the first time yesterday.
Sorry to be so sappy, but it really is very surreal. It’s common knowledge that people grow, change, and accomplish the most in their first year of life. But to see it in action is pretty amazing.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
It’s Mommy Moment Monday. Mine is simple. Exhaustion!
That’s it, really. I’m just plain worn out after a whirlwind long weekend that included taking a couple of days off of work last week for a wedding, visiting with lots of family and friends, playing catch up now with my day job, Macaroni Kid, and blogging. All fun stuff, but I am tired. Add to that a sick (allergies) baby, sick (allergies) husband, and sick self … yes, damn spring allergies!
I guess I’ll take it easy tonight, go to bed early, get some extra rest … oh, wait, nope. Baby says nope! Feed me. Change me. Cuddle me.
Well, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Exhausted or not!
Sorry for the cop out today. You should check out Frugal Mom Knows Best. She has a scary story to share that reminds us all of just how important it is to trust our mom-instincts.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I’ll be working on my letter soon. Although I think Shell already did a pretty good job of summing up what I want to say, I’ll try to put some different and original thoughts together. Thanks for bringing this project to our attention, Shell!
And, by the way, you don’t have to be a blogger to participate! You can write a letter and just send it in! It’s that easy!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I had another post in mind for today, a post about the difficulties of balancing work and motherhood … the guilt you feel when you work from home but send your child to day care. Couldn’t I just try to balance it all? Baby might not have a meltdown during that conference call. She just might let me complete all of my tasks.
However, that’s a post that will have to wait for another day. Because. Because, this morning, I woke up to the most terrifyingly awesome realization since Baby’s birth.
Husband’s alarm rang at 5:30. Hmmm, I can still catch a few more minutes of sleep … OHMYGOD! Oh. My. God. I never fed Baby last night. She never woke up in the middle of the night. The last time I looked at the clock, it was 12:30, and she had eaten at 10:15. My alarm didn’t go off at 3:00 am. I never heard her cry on the monitor.
Talk about a heart-in-your-throat kind of moment. Baby is an excellent sleeper, but she eats like clockwork.
A rush to her room to hear her breathing brought instant relief. Yes, in those 12 seconds, every single paranoid-mom-thought raced through my mind. Fever. Sick. SIDS. All of it.
But, she was just a sleepy girl. And in that moment of relief brought a fantastic realization. Baby slept for 7 hours straight! 7 hours! I doubt it will ever happen again. I almost don’t want it to! Ha! As much as I’d love to sleep for 7 straight hours every night, I’m not sure it’s worth the fear/anxiety that came with it.
Well, okay, it wouldn’t be a bad thing if she decided to make it a habit! As long as I’m expecting it, I think I’d be okay. And, now that I know she's able to go 7 hours ...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mommy Moment of the week? Yesterday, I found myself lost deep in thought (yes, for the entire 45 seconds I had free all weekend). What was I thinking about? Wine? Coffee? Sleep? A tropical island? You’d think so, but no.
I was actually contemplating which finger I had last used to apply diaper cream so I would know which one to use to feel around Baby’s mouth for her new teeth. Now, it’s not that I don’t wash my hands in warm soapy water, use hand sanitizer, and jump through several other certified germ-a-phobe hoops (seriously, Husband says my hands are scaly) … it’s just that, even after all the cleaning of the hands, I still can’t imagine using the same butt-paste-applying finger to feel around for Baby’s new pearly whites.
Yes, these are the thoughts that now consume me. Lovely.
Friday, April 16, 2010
A few letters from the heart:
Dear Computer: Why do you hate me? What did I do wrong? I thought we were friends. Will you please take me back? Please?
Dear Teething Tablets: THANKYOUILOVEYOUWILLYOUMARRYME?
[Baby’s first tooth has officially cut through! And, there are more on the way. Teething rings, cold/wet towels, fist-down-her-throat, DROOL-DROOL-DROOL. Such is life.]
Dear Husband: Thank you for letting me sleep all night long! Thank you for taking the 10:30 pm feeding, the 2:00 am feeding, and the 5:30 am feeding. I think you’ve earned a weekend full of x-box time, free from wife-complaints! I will even (try to) refrain from mocking the sappy dialogue. I love you!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
You know we all have them. That beautiful moment that makes you realize you are a mom, the moment that something you swore you would never say comes out of your mouth, those moments you couldn't even make up if you tried? Well, let's share shall we? Those moments in which we are pulling our hair out, trying not to cry, laugh, or scream. Moments we think we would never see, and moments we think we will never laugh at? Let it out ladies!
So, I’m joining in the fun with Mommy Moment Mondays from Frugal Mom Knows Best! My moment … projectile spit-up in my mouth. Need I say more?
So, this mommy moment begs the question: to begin feeding or not? As I’ve mentioned before, we recently found a new pediatrician. I really like her, but she’s part of a practice that allows you to see any available doctor when your child is due for an appointment. So, the primary pediatrician suggested we start rice cereal. The other doctor we saw last week when Baby had the stomach bug said not to do anything until at least 6-months.
It should come as no surprise that the primary doctor is a bit older, more traditional, and the other doctor is fairly young. That explains the difference in their opinions, but, I mean …. Really? You’re in the SAME practice. You share the SAME office. It’s bad enough when just one of you gives me an ambiguous diagnosis or advice. Now we’re throwing two entirely different opinions in the mix?!?! Really?!?!
That’s where y’all, my bloggin’ mom friends come in … what do you suggest? What has worked for you? What didn’t work? I never thought I’d try any foods for Baby prior to 6-months. But, I also thought I’d be breastfeeding. I thought a lot of things, before Baby arrived and showed me who’s boss. More importantly, I also never thought - never-ever-ever-ever – thought that I’d be dealing with projectile spit-up IN. MY. MOUTH.
If rice cereal will help with the spitting up, I'm listening!
Friday, April 9, 2010
He’s almost a foot taller than me.
But, I still call him kiddo! He’s my baby brother! And, after too many years on the West Coast, he has finally moved back home to Texas! Welcome back, Brother!
Sorry to disappoint. I told you that many of you would not care about my big secret. But, it’s awesome news for my family, and I’m soooo happy to have him back at home.
As for the rest of you ... you know who you are. Those of you who guessed that I might be pregnant … let me just ask, are you out of your flippin’ minds?! Did you miss the part about my miserable pregnancy that consumed all of last year? Did you miss the part about my never, ever, ever doing that again? I’m not kidding. Baby is the light of my life, but any future siblings she might have will most certainly be coming off the adoption bus from Haiti or Cambodia or somewhere. Not from this uterus.
And, for those of you who guessed that I might be quitting my job … not a chance! I love my job, my colleagues, my paycheck, and my insurance. The addition of blogging, Macaroni Kid, other writing projects, and more just makes for a very full plate. But, I don’t mind if my green beans touch my mashed potatoes … there’s room for everything!
And, finally, Baby is doing much better today! She’s still not eating as much as she normally would, but she’s a hungry girl again. No longer refusing to eat. No longer at risk for dehydration. And, what a trooper. She was all smiles and all giggles, even while puking up ounce after ounce after ounce. Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and advice! Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Husband and I have been nursing a very sick little girl for the last couple of days. She refuses to eat much at all. What she does eat, tends to come right back up. It’s heart-wrenching to watch her and not know how to comfort her. Although she seems to be have been improving over the last couple of hours, it’s so frustrating not to be able to comfort your child.
As we’ve struggled with Baby over the last couple of days, I’ve thought a lot about other families with parents or children who are truly ill. Those who won’t recover from a stomach bug in a day or two. Those who can’t be treated with simple hydration and time. It makes me sad to realize that some families don’t get to look forward to happier, more restful days. And, honestly, I feel a bit of guilty relief when I realize just how fortunate we are even in the midst of a difficult few days.
There is a family who is not so lucky. You can read about them on Supah’s blog, and if you’re so inclined, please donate – financially, prayerfully, or otherwise.