A dilema - Baby Steps in High Heels

Monday, August 2, 2010

A dilema

If you’ve been around my blog for a while, you know that Husband and I moved to a new town (where we currently live) just a few months before I got pregnant. Because I was so sick in pregnancy, we never really jumped into our local community and made friends. Flash forward almost two years, and we are sleep-deprived new parents very much in need of a little socializing!

But, where do we start? We really only know a couple of people here, and they’re quite possibly busier than we are.

So, last week, I took to my trusty computer and …. I googled!

I found a local mom group and signed up. I paid my $24 annual fee, and now have access to their message boards and calendar. And ...


Why nothing? Here’s the problem for me:

It seems that this particular group is made up of either SAHMs who schedule events while I have to work – or – working moms who schedule evening events. However, my child crashes out for the night by 6:30 p.m., so those aren’t really an option either.

So, this is obviously not a great fit for me. I’m not completely ruling out future interactions, but mid-morning play dates at the local water park don’t really fit well with my work schedule. And, Monday night Bingo isn’t exactly my speed.

Plan B? Who knows!

But, this particular experience is quite timely. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about exactly where I fit in as far as moms go. I have a ton of IRL friends, people I knew before they were moms or ones who aren’t yet parents. They’re great! They just don’t live next door. Or within a decent driving distance for Friday Happy Hours, for that matter.

When it comes to meeting new moms, I’m not sure I fit into any particular niche. I worry that I’d be to unreliable to SAHMs in groups like the one I found (groups that run like clockwork), because, although my works schedule does allow some daytime flexibility, it’s not consistent. So, I couldn’t be counted on to be at the same place/time/etc. on a regular basis.

With other working moms, even those I know who have new babies like me, schedules still seem to conflict. Sometimes people look at me like I’m crazy when I mention how early Baby goes to bed at night. But, she just doesn’t nap well at day care, so she crashes early!

Husband and I have recently discussed each of us having a free night during the week. I think this is a great idea and something we both need. But, what would I do? He joked that I would go to Target or our new, fancy grocery store. Big plans, I know!

So, how do you do it? How do you start fresh? Especially when your lifestyle doesn’t exactly fit a specific mold? What’s the best way to ‘make it work’ when reaching out to new people?


  1. Have you ever heard of CafeMom.Com? That's what I joined when McKenna was a few months old. I was able to find groups of moms in my area (which I didn't care for) as well as groups of moms for every little thing (December 2006 Babies, Potty Training, etc). Through CM, I met some of the best women I know on the internet and we have gatherings all over the country. I've only been to a few, but they go to Vegas every year and a few other places as well.

    I know this doesn't help for your "real life" interaction, but it's a place to start to find local groups in your area.

    Also, we'll be moving closer to YOU soon. I don't know when, but we're working on it! Our first option for a home fell through, so we're sort of waiting a bit, but we'll be there at some point!

  2. Are there any other groups? When I moved last time and wanted to make the effort(as opposed to this time when I don't want to LOL), I joined lots of moms' groups and just tried different events with each one- whenever they happened to fit into my schedule and kept trying until I found some women that I fit in wth. There was a lot of trial and error.

    Bible study and book club also worked for me.

  3. What about a church small group or something like that?

  4. Well, even though bingo isn't up your alley, you could try it once or twice and possibly meet some moms that are more like you...
    Also, having set up some things this summer (every week we go to the park on Thursdays) it's still not something that I can make every week, even though I was there, and actively said that would be a great day for me! I think everyone is understanding if things come up...and if you can go sometimes is better than none! :)

    I also agree with Shell...bible study is a favorite of mine, as well as if I could actually find a book club around here, I would love that too! :)

  5. This is tough. It sounds like with your inconsistent schedule it's a little tricky. And you definitely need to honor your daughter's sleep schedule! In reality, it only takes a few friendships so if you made a few connections that would go far. Maybe go to the library or another a local cafe and try and meet people. I have made two mom friends since I had Hayden. One I met at the library and another I met at a mutual friend's party. With both relationships, we met through our children. Of course, you could make a non-mom friend and that would also be great. Good luck!

  6. Why not posting an ad on Craigslist to start a book club or something similar?or is meetup big in your area?