Thursday, August 26, 2010

An Incident, A Prescription, and A Plan

Does every mother’s heart jump into her throat when she sees her child’s school or day care pop up on caller ID? Mine certainly does. To be fair, in the seven or so months that Baby has been in school, her day care has only called me 2-3 times. And the first couple of times must have been fairly insignificant, because I honestly can’t remember the reason.

However, yesterday afternoon was a different story. About 2 minutes before I planned to leave to pick Baby up from day care, my phone started ringing. It was her school. In the 4 seconds between my recognizing their number and actually answering the call, literally a hundred things ran through my head … sick, fever, accident (ranging from a diaper accident to falling off a non-existent cliff), etc.

There was, in fact, an ‘incident’. And there was an official ‘incident report’ to go along with the situation.

It seems my child was playing with a toy. Another child tried to take said toy. My ever-so-sweet baby apparently did not want to share. So, she pulled the toy away and hit herself in the face, busting her lip a little.

In all honestly, I couldn’t even see the bump when I arrived. It’s on the inside of her lip and looks more like she bit her lip than anything else. Fortunately, it’s all be healed up this morning.

But, wow, that sinking feeling when the phone rings like that … does it ever go away?

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On another note, I’m sure you’re all sick of me talking about my upcoming business trip to Washington, D.C. I am actually a little sick of it myself! But I do have one little bit to add to the story …

I had an appointment a couple of days ago, and I started talking to the doctor about my anxiety over leaving. Here’s how the conversation went …

Dr: So, you’re worried about leaving your baby?
Me: Uh huh.
Dr: What are you most worried about?
Me: Um, everything. Like plane crashes. And terrorist attacks. And that Baby will learn to crawl while I’m gone. And that my nine-month-old still isn’t crawling. And that … (the list went on for a while)
Dr: Uh huh.

So, she gave me a prescription for xanax.

Okay, it wasn’t that simple. She actually talked me through a LOT of stuff, which I found really helpful. She gave me a new plan: Distract and re-focus. I think it’s going to be quite useful.

I just find it funny that I joked about xanax earlier in the week, and now I’m actually in possession of this controlled substance. It took a printed and signed (not electronically submitted) prescription, a photo ID, and one unexpectedly emotional doctor’s visit.

I’m not sure about taking it. I don’t like the idea of it, and I'd like to think that I'm strong enough without it. However, it might be what I need to get on the plane on Sunday afternoon. In any case, I definitely feel more prepared … more so from the ‘distract and refocus’ motto than the prescription, but it’s nice to have a little back up plan too!

The doctor also said that I’m not crazy at all, that my thoughts and emotions are completely normal. Maybe that’s what they say to everyone, but it definitely removed one layer of guilt from my mind.

Husband has noted that he thinks I’ve moved on from the grief stage to the acceptance stage … I wonder it has anything to do with the prescription drug phase I’m anticipating for Sunday afternoon? Just kidding … but even I can tell that I’m already in a better mind set. I just hope it stays that way!

6 comments:

  1. So glad you are feeling better about it! :) It will fly by once you are there...:)

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  2. I don't know how to enable it my email address...teach me how please! :)

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  3. I wish I had some Xanax. Seriously. I could seriously use it sometimes.

    I freak out when I see Hayden's school on my Caller ID. They have called a few times - twice he was "sick" and acting off and once he had fell and bumped his head - it wasn't a big deal, they just wanted to let me know. Two years ago, he bit a kid and an incident report had to be filled out (the bite broke the skin). I was MORTIFIED! I kept the report and made Hayden draw something for the kid he bit. I also wrote an apology letter to the parent. She was fine with it though... and wasn't overly concerned. In the end, it was all good.

    Anywho - good luck with the trip. It will all be fine!

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  4. Funny how it takes a"professional" to convince us sometimes.

    I remember those fears of calls from the school. Now that I have had many more that were not scares, I don't instantly jump to bad conclusions anymore.

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  5. My daughter is 15 and in 9th grade. Still when the school calls my heart sinks and crazy thoughts run through my head. I'm always certain something terrible has happened to her!
    The Xanax will help...seriously. I take Ativan, which is a longer acting form of Xanax. It's helped me so much, but I'm a very anxious person. Just know that it will probably make you drowsy, it can also make you say things you wouldn't normally say. I say this because you haven't taken it before. So don't go taking it right before some big meeting. :)

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  6. I have that done...so I am not sure. I guess you can try it again??? I have no idea...I am also kinda in a fog right now...so tired! :)

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