Mushy Monday Meltdown - Baby Steps in High Heels

Monday, October 25, 2010

Mushy Monday Meltdown

(Read at your own risk…)

I’m not sure what’s more crippling …having to leave a sick child behind for a business trip or having to leave a happy, giggling, energetic one.

Last week, Baby was sick, and I left. This week, she’s happy and fun-loving, and I’m leaving again.

It’s hard. I can’t believe it’s still so difficult, even though I’ve been doing it, week after week after week. I can’t believe how debilitating it is despite the logical, rational voice in my head that constantly lists all of the reasons why this is a good thing.

I never quite expected it to be such an emotional roller coaster, such a constant emotional roller coaster. I literally have to talk myself into leaving every single week. I literally have the exact same conversation with my self every single week. And it doesn’t get easier. In fact, I think it might get harder.

In my head, I know that it probably just feels like it’s getting harder because I’m tired, worn out from being on the go for the last couple of months. In my head, I know all of this traveling will be over in just a couple of weeks. The end is in sight.

The problem is … logic apparently has no influence over a mother’s heart or guilt. None whatsoever. Rational thoughts? Nope, those don’t seem to work either.

All I can think about is that I’ll be missing out on 3 (yes, 3!) Halloween outfits I bought for her to wear this week. And that we’re going to have to squeeze in a trip to the pumpkin patch some time at the last minute, because I’m not here to do it sooner. And, all I really wanted to do this week, which happens to be my birthday week, is wake up every single day and hold my baby girl … which isn’t going to happen. Because I won’t be here.

It is going to be okay. I know that everything will be just fine. It will.

But right now it is a drizzly, humid, gray Monday morning, and I just needed a minute to wallow …


  1. dont worry you sound like such an amazing mom and your lil babe will be so proud of you when she grows up!!

    xoxo follow my blog!

  2. It's so hard when they are younger, so hard.

  3. It amazes me too that it gets harder every Monday. Because they get more fun! And you know them better and miss them more!

    It's hard. Happy Birthday. Maybe you'll get a webcam to celebrate?

  4. Awww. Hugs! It is hard. And I don't think it ever gets easier. Maybe when they are teens?

  5. That sucks that you have to leave! I would hate that! I can't imagine it getting easier, although I hope for your sake it does!

    Big hug your way!

  6. I can't imagine having to travel so much, but it's coming to an end and you can see the light. See it??? Look real hard!

  7. Logic never has much to do with a mother's heart.

    You are almost done traveling, though, aren't you? Hang in there!