Mushy Monday Meltdown - Baby Steps in High Heels

Monday, October 25, 2010

Mushy Monday Meltdown

(Read at your own risk…)

I’m not sure what’s more crippling …having to leave a sick child behind for a business trip or having to leave a happy, giggling, energetic one.

Last week, Baby was sick, and I left. This week, she’s happy and fun-loving, and I’m leaving again.

It’s hard. I can’t believe it’s still so difficult, even though I’ve been doing it, week after week after week. I can’t believe how debilitating it is despite the logical, rational voice in my head that constantly lists all of the reasons why this is a good thing.

I never quite expected it to be such an emotional roller coaster, such a constant emotional roller coaster. I literally have to talk myself into leaving every single week. I literally have the exact same conversation with my self every single week. And it doesn’t get easier. In fact, I think it might get harder.

In my head, I know that it probably just feels like it’s getting harder because I’m tired, worn out from being on the go for the last couple of months. In my head, I know all of this traveling will be over in just a couple of weeks. The end is in sight.

The problem is … logic apparently has no influence over a mother’s heart or guilt. None whatsoever. Rational thoughts? Nope, those don’t seem to work either.

All I can think about is that I’ll be missing out on 3 (yes, 3!) Halloween outfits I bought for her to wear this week. And that we’re going to have to squeeze in a trip to the pumpkin patch some time at the last minute, because I’m not here to do it sooner. And, all I really wanted to do this week, which happens to be my birthday week, is wake up every single day and hold my baby girl … which isn’t going to happen. Because I won’t be here.

It is going to be okay. I know that everything will be just fine. It will.

But right now it is a drizzly, humid, gray Monday morning, and I just needed a minute to wallow …

7 comments:

  1. dont worry you sound like such an amazing mom and your lil babe will be so proud of you when she grows up!!

    xoxo follow my blog!

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  2. It's so hard when they are younger, so hard.

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  3. It amazes me too that it gets harder every Monday. Because they get more fun! And you know them better and miss them more!

    It's hard. Happy Birthday. Maybe you'll get a webcam to celebrate?

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  4. Awww. Hugs! It is hard. And I don't think it ever gets easier. Maybe when they are teens?

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  5. That sucks that you have to leave! I would hate that! I can't imagine it getting easier, although I hope for your sake it does!

    Big hug your way!

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  6. I can't imagine having to travel so much, but it's coming to an end and you can see the light. See it??? Look real hard!

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  7. Logic never has much to do with a mother's heart.

    You are almost done traveling, though, aren't you? Hang in there!

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