Wednesday, July 20, 2011
These emotions have been a fairly consistent part of my life for over a decade. Maybe longer.
One of my step-brothers died in a car accident when I was 16. Following that, I experienced the loss of a friend or loved one every couple of months for about a year.
It was by far the most difficult time in my life, and I learned a lot about grown up emotions before I had really grown up myself.
Flash forward almost 15 years, and those emotions are right back at my doorstep with the recent loss of a very dear friend.
Grief, loss, sadness, regret. They all come tumbling down when you lose somebody that you have loved.
The thing is … the experience is so incredibly different now. I feel the impact.
But I also see and even accept life as it continues to go on around me.
I have a child now. She is too young to expose her to my sorrow or to these grown up situations. She doesn’t need to see mama cry. There is no way a one-year-old could begin to comprehend death, but she would certainly be affected by seeing me upset.
So, not only does life go on, but so do I.
That wasn’t the case all those years ago. I was able to give so much of my time to my grief.
Am I jaded because these are no longer brand new feelings? Possibly.
I think, though, that it’s more likely that I’m simply experiencing grown up grief.
It’s not that the loss is not felt just as deeply. Or that the life was not just as significant.
It’s simply that my life now, including all of my experiences – good and bad, is no longer just about me.
Even when I’m sad … breakfast must still be made. The Tickle Monster is still required to make an appearance. Barney-Elmo-Baby-Woof Woof requests still fly on a regular basis.
Even when I’m sad … it’s still my job to comfort and nurture and love Baby. To make sure that nothing in her world changes or is impacted by my own experiences. To make sure that her biggest concern of the day is that she had to eat yogurt when she really wanted ice cream.
And that’s okay. That, I think, is both how and why life goes on.
Pouring my Heart Out with Shell this week, maybe more than ever before.
Monday, July 18, 2011
She's unlikely to let me hold her like this for more than 2 seconds these days (as you can see from the last photo where she's obviously trying to escape), but I'll always remember how great it feels to rock my sweet baby.
Linking up with Shell's Rockin' the Baby!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
At one time, my very best friend. My rock.
No time or distance will change the fact that your friendship saved my life.
Your presence truly made this world a better place.
Most people around the world today will not notice. But so very many will.
We will notice that the light around us shines a little dimmer today, and every day going forward.
But tonight we will also take notice of a brand new star in the sky. One that seems to outshine all others. And, if we listen very closely, we may just hear a hearty chuckle escape the night’s sky.
And we will know that it is you. For there is no mistaking your contagious laughter, your incredible joy.
Many wonderful things have been said and written about you in the last few hours. You were a friend, a listener, a brother, an angel. The one that resonates the most for me is this …
You were truly a gift.
Dear Lord-One day you will reveal to us your master plan, and we will share in your knowledge, your wisdom, and your understanding. Until that time, please hold us close and comfort us as our grieving hearts ask: Why?
Friday, July 8, 2011
We also just launched Macaroni Deals, which is an awesome super coupon website targeted specifically to families, kids, moms, etc. I love being a part of Macaroni Kid and Macaroni Deals … it really is so much fun!
You can check the national site to see if your area already has a newsletter. If so, sign up now. It’s such a great resource, and you’ll be so glad you to have all the relevant kid info in one spot! If your town/neighborhood doesn’t already have Macaroni Kid, ask me how you can become a local Publisher Mom. It’s really easy and a lot of fun!