Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Quiet in My Day

After a very rough first pregnancy, Husband and I were sure we were done having kids.

When enough time and a little mommy brain had erased any real memories of that pregnancy, however, we decided to have another baby.

Which meant another rough pregnancy.

It was different the second time around, though, because we already had a child. A child who I swear was still a baby at the beginning of my second pregnancy. But when I emerged on the other side of the post-partum fog, it was as if I’d lost an entire year of her life.



Where did my baby go?

Even now that we’ve adjusted to life with two kids and are restored to good health, I find myself missing my baby girl.

I miss rocking her to sleep at night. I haven’t done that in years.

I miss the cute way she pronounced words before she could really say them correctly.

I miss the one-on-one time we had.

I miss being able to make her a priority at the drop of a hat.

I miss the bond we had when she was my only child.

I especially find myself missing these things in the quiet of the night, after everyone is tucked in and fast asleep. When I realize that we made it through an entire day without really connecting. Between work and routines and a needy toddler, I often miss the chance to connect with my oldest child.

Sure we hug and snuggle and talk. We read stories and laugh together. We share the same space and experiences. But it’s just not quite the same as it was before.

The quiet in my day now comes long after she is sleeping. It used to come when we settled into the rocking chair in her room to begin her bed time routine.

The quiet in my day happens much less often now. It used to happen every single day. With her.

The quiet in my day sometimes doesn’t come at all. At least not until after even I’m asleep.

I’m so sad and frustrated by this at the end of every day.



But when the new day begins, the same routine just starts all over again. I want to carve out special time for just the two of us, but something always seems to come up.

When you spend all day working and all evening rushing through dinner/bath/bed routines, how do you make special time for individual kids? Time that truly counts? How do you truly connect with each child without neglecting the other?


I know this is our new normal, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But sometimes, when I do happen upon a quiet moment in my day, I find myself missing that time, that bond, I used to share with Miss Mighty. 

Joining in with Things I Can't Say: Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. Join us. 


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4 comments:

  1. I can clearly remember sitting in my rocking chair with my oldest, a few days before I had my second. And crying, thinking of how I wouldn't have this one on one time any more.

    And it was hard when mine were young. It's getting a little easier as they are getting older, to find that special time for each of them. Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks. Most of the time, I love our new, busier, louder, 'normal' .... but sometimes I just really miss those moments that I feel like I'll never get back. :)

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  2. I remember that quiet time rocking my son. I missed it for a long time after he gave it up.

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    1. It's hard! I know that those experiences are being replaced by newer ones that are just as special, but I still really miss that time ...

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